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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ........'s LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
3:34 am
$500 should be mine. Should be going to Vegas for WSOP...but NO! Flush Ace-high to Flush-King mother fucker!

eh. made about 150 today still.

and Silent Hill was just an OK movie. I almost fell asleep in the middle.
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
1:27 am

88 years and they finally won!
Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
2:15 am
I can't sleep. what else is new? The same thoughts racing through my head. Racing waaay over the speed limit. Jessica, Nicole, White Sox(they won woo!), family matters, thinking of how I need to "get my priorities straight" and fate.

I always think about fate. I think about it all the time, yet I never really put much caution towards it. I don't want to. If anything I really just want to do some amazing things. I don't want to be 40 one day and think back to now and just wish I would've done more. Do something meaningful and great. So this might not be "fate" but I just want to make the most of everything. I've had ideas in my head of the stuff I've "wanted" to do yet hardly ever did. Lately I have been able to actually do those things..or making more progress on it. I want to keep going. I want "moments" and memories and although I know I can't force these things, I can keep myself from hindering it from happening.

I've made many mistakes in my life. To make things worse, it seems I always realize what I had done wrong, when it's too late. I never really got to express some of my true feelings until lately because of an imaginary wall that always seemed to be around me. I'd feel something and ignore it. I'd want to say something yet not say it. I don't wanna do that anymore. I just don't. I'm not "fake". Everything I do I try to do with complete sincerity. Despite the way I may have acted in the past, somethings and some people really did/do mean a lot more to me than I ever let on. Jessica, who I'm not going to say *is* the reason I'm feeling like I can open up more..but..I don't know...being with her is making me realize something different and think a little differently. For better or for worse, I think I can now better express myself. I want to show it. Some things are important. Some things have always been.

..I don't know...I should probably be writing all of this in my real journal and I probably will. It's vague but it's not. There's no real specifics about it right now. The whole fate thing...is this meant to happen is that meant to happen. ...a whole other thing that I keep thinking of.
I wonder.. I don't know if I was in the "right place at the right time" by coincidence or what. I came *so* close to leaving again. fate..eh..I don't know...but to actually be realistic about it....everyone makes choices every day in their lives. Every choice someone makes opens the door to something else(another choice,situation,circumstance) and for better or worse, our lives are the sum total of our decisions.

Who knows what would've happened if I never went to Florida. I at the very least know what would've happened if I would've left again, and to state the obvious i'm glad I stayed.

it's fun to think about i think. who knows. one little choice in life can have a dramatic impact. hm.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."

-John Gardner
Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
1:40 am
well I'm still sick but I am starting to get better. I'm having problems with my spleen, so I can't or..not supposed to "physically exert" myself for the next few months...damn.

-The White Sox made the playoffs! yes! They'll play Boston tommorow.

- school...eh..it's going to be really hard to come back, but i think i can makeup everything.

- work-..eh...they probably aren't happy but oh well. I can barely stand for more than 10 minutes and I'm more physically weak/tired than usual. they can deal.

- I'm really happy with Jessica. I don't know how to really put how I feel into words so for now I'm not even going to try. I'm attached. I didn't think the whole "relationship" thing was for me but then again I didn't think I'd be in the position I'm in now. I can't sleep without thinking about her, and when I do sleep I dream about her. I'm doing things I've never done. I feel different(in a good way) and yeah...right now nothing but good things, and it just seems that things are getting better.

Sunday, September 25th, 2005
5:17 pm
I'm not getting better and I think I might need to go to the hospital soon. Jessica has been calling but i literally can't speak today. i have a feeling i'm going to have to quit my job, school...i don't know...i've missed so much from being out, and Jessica...even though she says me being sick isn't a problem, I still think it is. It bothers me. I'm bothered that I'm not being allowed to do anything with my life because of health problems and everything that was finally starting to go good, might not now.

I know feeling upset about it isn't going to help me feel any better physically but I just can't help but think it.
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
1:24 pm
Jessica is so great.

oh. and i'm dying with most likely mono(had to get a bunch of tests and almost stay at the hospital)
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
10:55 pm
You are a

Social Conservative
(31% permissive)

and an...

Economic Moderate
(43% permissive)

You are best described as a:


Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
1:19 pm

White Sox playoff tickets go on sale tommorow at 12:00!\\\
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
1:41 am
Jessica *IS* awesome.

I'm tired and too lazy to write an entry but there's really just nothing else needed to be said. She's awesome, great, funny, pretty, evil(oh wait) and I just feel so much happier when i'm with her.
Monday, August 29th, 2005
2:53 pm
Between Jessica and falling all over the place *trying* to ice-skate...numerous bruises all over my body. Literally...no limb without a bruise or anything. and apparently ice doesn't give so well when you fall on it.

Things are going ok I guess. My health is still sorta..eh. I keep going for tests and will have to go to a neurologist probably sometime next week. I'm on a supposed diet for hypoglycemia which could be a reason for my dizzyness,weak feeling and random black outs. It sucks. Doctors suck. I really wish i could just get better.

Things for Jessica I think are pretty well. We went to some italian place the other night for dinner and that was cool, and then ice-skating and then to see the movie "Broken Flowers" that she fell asleep half-way through. I'm one of the most anti-social people but I just like always being around her. She made a comment last night about how I'm supposedly *always* smiling. and I hardly ever smile but she seems to think that I do. well..I really don't but I think that since I'm so happy everytime i'm with you I just can't help not to smile.

and I keep talking on the phone for hours too. What's with that? hmm. I don't know. I think there's about a million good things I can say right now with just a few bad things. or not so bad but just my normal nervousness that I still have but is getting better because I think i'm feeling more relaxed and comfortable rather than all tensed up acting. I'm starting or already do trust her I think. I think we have pretty good communication and I think that's pretty vital to anything. I'm trying to actually put my thoughts into words and say what I'm thinking instead of just keeping everything inside. I still overthink sometimes but I'm trying not to. I really do think I can say almost anything to her and I hope she feels the same way towards me. I really am happy and despite how it seems feel better when I'm around her and I just want to make her happy(or atleast try as hard as I can)

**instead of actually deleting most of this(like I do with most everything I seem to type in here) i'll just leave it.**

oh. and Jessica had to be involved with decision making too. it's important. and whatever idea she comes up with deffinitly wouldn't be a bad one. I just wanna do something together that she thought of. (AND NOT GET BEAT FOR 2 HOURS BECAUSE OF IT!!!)
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
4:10 am
**note to self**

Saturday, August 13th, 2005
1:18 am
Basic Stuff
1.What is your full name? Presley Aaron White
2.Where do you live? Woodstock, GA
3.What are your hobbies? anything baseball related, sleeping, reading about politics or psychology, watching horror movies
4.What color is your hair? black
5.What color are your eyes? dark brown
6.Name all the places you have lived: almost everywhere in Florida..and Woodstock Georgia
7.How tall are you? 6'3

Sports Stuff
1.What is your favourite sport to play? baseball
2.What is your favourite sport to watch? baseball
3.What are your favourite sports teams? Chicago White Sox, Miami Dolphins and West Virginia Mountaineers
4.Who are your favourite athletes? Frank Thomas, Scott Podsednik(SAY IT RIGHT!),
5.Name all the sports that you have ever played. soccer, football, basketball, baseball.

Family Stuff
1. Do you have any siblings? If so, what are their names? 2- Mindy and Chauncey
2. Are your parents together or seperated? together
3. Do you enjoy spending time with your family? eh.
4.What is your favourite thing to do with your family? I don't know.

School Stuff
1.What is your favourite subject? government/history
2.Do you enjoy goin to school? yes
3.Who is your favourite teacher? noone right now
4.Who is your least favourite teacher? see above ^^
5.What is the best trip you have ever gone on with a school group? sea world.

Religious Stuff
1.Do you believe in God? yes. i'm agnostic but I'm pretty sure I do.
2.Do you go to church? no
3.How many times a day do you pray? I used to and still do sometimes when someone is sick or similar.
4. How does your religion affect u? not at all.

Love Stuff
1.Do you have a crush on anyone? If so, who? "crush" is so secretive sounding. but yes I guess(?) Jessica but she knows i like her.
2.Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? um. i plead the 5th
3.Have you ever been in love? no
4.What do you think love is? eh.
5.Have you ever kissed anyone? yes
6.Name all the people you have ever liked. no

Time Stuff
1.What is your favourite thing to do in your spare time? listen to music/watch baseball
2.Do you have a lot of spare time? i won't soon.

Friends Stuff
1.Who is your best friend? erica probably i suppose
2.Do you switch friends quite often? no
3.Would you rather have a couple very close friends or lots of just friends? a couple very close friends
4.Do you wish you had more friends? eh i'm not sure. i'm pretty content
5.What is your favourite thing to do with your friends? something different

Other Stuff
1.Have you ever done something that you totally regretted later? yes
2.What is the craziest thing you have ever done? i don't know
3.What is the funnest thing you have ever done? lots of things i'm sure
4.What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? ....
5. What was the most difficult thing that you have gone through? deaths and near deaths. and severe depression and addiction to sleeping pills
over a stupid teenage breakup ordeal.

*Tough Questions*

1)Which person you know has changed you the most? I'd have to say...noone really
2)What song best describes you? i'm too tired for this survey.
3)What famous person do people say you look most like? stupid random people who look nothing like me. the american pie..pie fucker kid
um..john mayer(although that's when my hair was extremely shaggy)..and yeah..i don't know. people say i look like someone a lot but can't think of who.
4)If you could relive any moment of your life, what would it be and why? probably my trip to Orlando with Joel...and don't feel like explaining why
5)Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, and why? thought provoking...Jessica N and Cassie probably. since my mind always goes a little over the speed
limit when I'm talking to either one of them. so yes. : )
6)What do you think is your best quality? I don't know.
7)What do you think is the best quality a person can have? compassion
8)Who is the most inspiring person you know? hmm..i'm not sure.
9)What is something you've always wanted to do? travel the world
10)If you had to lose one of the five senses, which would you be willing to lose first? smell i guess

*Different Questions*
1)What one song do you think is overplayed way too much? holiday - green day. it makes my ears bleed.
2)What's the highest score you've ever bowled? like a 140 i think.
3)Describe the weirdest pair of pants you own. none are weird. i own some pretty..interesting boxers though. mostly ones with holes everywhere
4)What is your favorite fast food restaurant and what do you usually get there? i don't have a "favorite" fast food. maybe arby's though.
5)Do you have anything written on your hands right now? If so, what? no
6)What is the weirdest conversation you've ever had with anybody? i've had some interesting ones...
7)Describe the funniest part of a movie you've ever seen. i dont know..there are quite a few.
8)Are you wearing socks? If so, what do they look like? no
9)What's your most prized possession (an object) that you couldn't live without? tired. sick. ek.
10)What do you think was the hardest question on this survey? ones i didnt answer. i dunno. i dont care either.
Thursday, July 7th, 2005
1:54 pm
after spending the last 15 minutes of looking at people on facebook.com

I wonder if I have time to change my mind?
Saturday, June 4th, 2005
12:38 am
You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You are feeling very disillusioned at this time and you feel that you are being left out of things. You know - or you think you know - what you want, but you seem unable to exert the effort to achieve your objectives. As a consequence, you are feeling left out and neglected. You would like to be afforded greater security and fewer problems.

It's the old old story - I am misunderstood - my partner (be it in your private life or in business) just doesn't understand me and YOU also believe at this time that you are being completely MISUNDERSTOOD by one and all. It then obviously follows that you naturally feel inhibited and not appreciated. It is perhaps because of this belief that you feel compelled to stand back and let the rest of the world go by. As for developing a firm relationship - inwardly deep down in your subconscious mind you are wary of even trying to get close to another person because you feel that if you open up your heart and feelings you are sure to get hurt. Since you are living in a society where close relationships are the norm, you feel that there is that need to conform, but any close relationships of any magnitude that you may have tried in the past have unfortunately left you without any sense of emotional involvement.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a 'trier' and indications are that you will, as indeed you have in the past, 'bounce back'.
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
9:53 pm
I sold the Bronco. My parents have to go to give their depositions tommorow morning. I've felt half-concious all day.
Saturday, May 21st, 2005
12:45 am
"Abs2085: i dont think you act stuck up or anything
Abs2085: but sometimes you act like you really dont give a damn about anyone in your life
Abs2085: so i dont really feel like you care at all "

"Abs2085: you used to be a lot more easy going
Abs2085: now its like everything makes you upset or depressed"
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
1:49 pm
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
1:03 am
I just deleted an entry that took me 40 minutes to type.

I'm really unhappy and after tonight...it's hard to imagine how things can get any worse. I really just don't want anything to do with anyone, at all anymore.

I'll give as much as I get. which is nothing. My few days of really thinking about how much I "care" for certain people is bullshit. why the fuck should I bother with that, when I've basically done a lot of that just to get the cold shoulder from numerous people? I've been fucked by "friends" and family so much that I'm going to make my own little personal goal of not being a pussy every 5 minutes and not give a shit about anyone.

I really just don't care. if you want to talk to me, fine. if not, fine. but since I'm ="he's a fucking asshole who only tries to get people to like him by using his parents money" anyway, maybe you really shouldn't bother.
Friday, April 15th, 2005
2:40 am
Isn't it funny how most people are only "compasionnate" or really "there" for you when someone dies?

9-11 for example. People started to rethink some of their priorities.

This isn't really going anywhere. After watching the depressing news it's always death death death. I'd hate to think that I could die in a car accident or anything tommorow and so many people would've never known how I really felt about them.
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
10:28 pm
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